Sareks Pain
by spockett
Summary: Spock was not the only one who lost control that day.


**Sareks Pain**

Spock is not the only one who lost control that day.

**I have not seen any story's regarding Sarek's broken bond after they beamed aboard the Enterprise. I always believed from the many stories that I have read, that It would be a terrible and painful experience, even ending in death. In the movie Sarek was just standing there staring like nothing happened. This kind of bothered me as we all know how much he loved her. So here is my take on what might have happened instead. Vulcan translation at the end.**

**Hope you like and please review.**

**Don't own them just play with them.**

He heard himself Scream

Everything happened in a matter of seconds as he materialized on the Enterprise. The elders, himself and Spock were the only ones who made it back. Amanda his bond mate did not.

He gasped from the pain of their broken bond. It was so intense, like someone just ripped a part of him in half.

He moaned, as he sank down to the floor of the transporter. His legs no longer able to hold him.

Pain and darkness were trying to claim him, and at this point he hoped the darkness won as the pain was so intense.

He felt hands trying to hold on to him and on his face. Was someone trying to meld with him?

In his agony, his mind fought to push them away as he realized he could not feel Amanda with him. _His Bond link was gone!_ In his crazed state he fought the ones holding him and thrashed about as he desperately tried to search for her in his mind.

"AMANDA" he screamed, and then darkness claimed him.

* * *

He awoke lying on a bed, feeling very disoriented. He opened his eyes to look around and he assumed from the smell and noises in the distance he was in the medical bay, but he could not remember how he got there. There was no one else in the room.

As his mind started to clear somewhat and he remembered the elders standing beside him with their hands on his face. They must have put him in a healing trance, he thought.

In his near insane state, he remembered trying to fight them but was eventually strapped down to the table. His memories where more like looking through fog then being very clear.

He tried to feel if his body and his mind suffered any damage.

He was a bit shocked at the quietness of his mind. It had not been this quite since before Amanda and him bonded. He realized the pain was gone, but the emptiness was overwhelming.

He gently tried to reach out to that special place where she had always been and found…. _nothing_.

He squeezed his eyes shut and curled up into a ball as his mind cried out for her. My ashaya

I miss you so much.

The Elders must have melded with him also to keep him from dying, as there was no one else who could have pulled him from that brink of death.

As he lay there trying to gain some control over himself, he suddenly had a very illogical thought.

He wished that they would have just let him die.

He was surprised by the amount of sorrow and heartache he was experiencing from his loss. These emotions were strange to him. What was he doing? He was Vulcan, and Vulcans don't express their emotions.

"I am a Vulcan and I am in control of my emotions," he scolded himself.

But no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that, he still could not gain control of them.

Then his mind took a different direction. "My world and my bond mate are gone, there is nothing left for me to live for."

He tried sitting up and slowly lowered his feet off the bed. He felt so weak and tired.

As his feet touched the floor, his knees buckled under him. Bracing himself on the bed he allowed himself to sink to the floor. Sitting there for a few minutes, breathing heavily, he felt another wave of overwhelming grief, as if a dam just broke, and the waves were washing over him, trying to pull him under.

He put his hands over his face as uncontrollable sobs wracked his body. "Amanda..Amanda"..he whispered over and over.

His logical mind demanded he get control of himself, but he did not care as he was too tired and grief stricken to even try.

Never again to feel her presence in his mind, or touch her. He still could see the fear in her vivid blue eyes as she fell.

Now he understood what humans meant when they say they have a broken heart. Not only was his broken, it was shattered.

"I can not live like this." He thought. "I _don't_ want to live without her."

It would be so easy to just stop his heart and he would be dead within a few minutes. He began concentrating on slowing his heart rate down.

He didn't hear the door open, and someone walk over and kneel down in front of him, nor the warm arms that enfolded him. Suddenly he felt Spocks presence in his mind.

_sa-mekh__? _

"_**Ax'nav, get out and leave me alone!"**_

"_**NO**__ Sa-mekh!" He knew his father was suffering from __lak'tra_.

"_Please Spock, I can not live with this emptiness inside of me, without her," Sarek replied._

"_So you would leave me without a Ko-mekh __**and**__ Sa-mekh?" Spock projected angrily in the meld. _

"_Do __**you **__think __**you**__ are the only one who feels her loss Sa-mekh?"_

"_S__a-mekh__, if you try to kill yourself, then you will take me with you. We either grieve together or we die together. I will not let go of your mind. I will not loose you too. Is this what you wish?" _

_Sareks mind was silent so Spock continued._

"_What's left of our people need you now __sa-mekh__, more so than ever. They will be looking up to you and the rest of the elders for help and guidance for their future."_

"_I…also will need your guidance. Please don't leave me…. I…Love you __sa-mekh_,_" _Spock whispered through the meld.

Sarek's shock at his sons threat to die with him and his confession of _Love_ shook him to his core.

Sarek knew then that he had to live, not only for his people but for his son.

When Spock felt sure his father was not going to do any harm to himself he withdrew slowly out of the meld.

Sarek lifted his head to look in his son's eyes. There were tears on Spock's cheek. He lifted his hand and gently brushed the tears away.

"You are so much like her my _sa-fu_," Sarek whispered. "She would be very proud of you as I am, my _sa-fu_."

Spock swallowed the lump in his throat, before speaking.

"I would like to think that I am somewhat like you also sa-mekh."

"As your mother would say," Sarek replied, with a bit of amusement in his tone, "the apple does not fall far from the tree."

"Thank you sa-mekh, but now I must return to the bridge. I will stop by later to see if you need anything, so it would be wise that you get some rest."

"Yes you are correct; I will retire to my quarters and meditate after I have spoken with the elders."

Spock nodded to his father and walked over to the door to leave when Sarek was suddenly next to him. He gently laid his hand on Spocks arm as he spoke. "There.. are some stories," Sarek said hesitantly, that.. I would like to tell you about your mother, if….. you would like to hear them when you stop by later."

Spock looked in his father's eyes and for the first time saw something akin to love there. He didn't expect his father to ever say it, but somehow he always knew his father loved him.

"Yes I would like that," Spock said with a slight smile on his face, "very much so."

And then he left.

Fin

**sa-mekh**** - father**

**ax'nav**** - child**

**sa-fu**** - son**

**lak'tra**** - grief**

**ashaya**** - love**


End file.
